Loop
by Frozen Shattered Roses
Summary: My name is Naruto and I'm cursed. I'm trapped in a loop of time, reliving the final fourteen years of my life for the third time. Only this time things will be different, because this time I have a plan to escape. Rated T for language & so on.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, its characters or its settings.

* * *

I'm so tired of this_._

My name is Naruto Uzumaki. Not that it matters much, but that's my name. I'm – for wont of a better term I'm a time traveler. Oh, not by choice, mostly because I'm dumber than I look (about as stupid as people think I am) and keep forgetting that little fact. That's how I ended up cursed for time and eternity to endlessly repeat the final fourteen years of my life.

Midnight was the start of my second repeat. When the sun comes up I report to the shinobi academy to fail my graduation test.

I look twelve, but I'm actually twenty six. Or forty, depending on how you count. I've had two of every birthday between thirteen and twenty six. If you counted the days from my birth to today you'd get less than thirteen years, but if you counted the days I've actually been alive you'd find I've been Naruto Uzumaki for forty years now, only I never actually make it past twenty six.

Long story.

You could call it an annoying cosmic accident (though it wasn't accidental). You could certainly call it ironic; to a lot of people twelve is basically when my life started.

Sort of.

It's kind of difficult to explain.

Anyway, here I am, twelve years old for the third time, with the full joy of watching another fourteen miserable years unfold before _it_ happens for the third time. Then I'll appear back on this rock to start it all over again.

This repetition is only about five hours old; I arrived a little after midnight. I knew it was going to happen, of course, so I'm a lot more composed then I was last time around.

Makes me sick to my stomach.

I have to laugh actually. As ridiculous as this sounds these are the best years of my life. I should be thrilled to live them over. Again.

I guess your response to that depends on your age. There's this great cosmic lie out there that your teen years are by definition the best years of your life. That sort of argument only makes sense to people under twenty. Trust me, when you've been crapped on as often as I have there's nothing like being twenty five, fully grown and able make your eyes glow with red fire at will. Keeps the yokels at bay while you face down the biggest bully in town, smile and offer him the golden opportunity of having both his arms pulled off. Teenage years? You can keep 'em.

Anyways, here I am, twelve years old again, forced to live the next bloody fourteen years over. Don't get me wrong, I got a pretty good run, the first time around. Okay, 'pretty good' might be a bit of a stretch, but in hindsight my actual teenage years were better than I'd a right to expect, given the whole demon fox thing.

I shouldn't say that, it's a lie. My second passage through my life was hell on earth. Knowing what was going to happen has made the last fourteen years of my existence a living hell of repeating mistakes and wading through death I was powerless to stop.

I had hoped my life would end for real last night and it didn't, though that doesn't make me any happier with what happened. Fortunately I've had fourteen years to get over the worst of my anger. I always seem to make the cardinal mistake of assuming people can change, will change.

Destiny is easy. Changing people though, that's hard. Neji had his wires crossed on that. People don't change. That's the one true rule of life.

* * *

To be quite honest I really don't feel like sharing the details of how this endless loop started. Don't like that? Tough. I don't recall anyone telling _me_ I had to like it. Their future, my past, all set in perfect stone in my memories. I get to live it a third time. About the only good thing is I merge with the younger me when I come back, meaning I don't have to deal with some little turd screaming 'Believe It!' at anyone who'll listen.

Now _that_ would have been a nightmare, the true secret of the shadow clones-

So naive. I'll be the frickin' Hokage one day, just like that. Let me know how that works out for you, Naruto. Hokage my ass. Being the best wasn't enough. At twelve I didn't understand that. Sometimes you've got to be a little older before you'll accept that all your hopes and dreams are nothing more than fantasies. What made it worst in my particular case was an entire village who'd never have _let_ me become Hokage; nothing I could have done would have landed me that hat. All those years and all that noise I made...

This sounds stupid, but I remember today like it was yesterday. Today I fail to graduate from the academy, that dill weed teaching assistant tricks me into stealing that stinking scroll and Iruka gets himself messed up taking some hits for me.

I'm sick to my stomach in anticipation.

* * *

I spent most of the night sitting on the Hokage monument head. The third, if you must know, I liked the old man. Not the dill hole fourth.

Wish I'd gone back far enough to meet that one. Hokage number four would find Kyuubi's little friend a hell of a lot more dangerous than Kyuubi herself. I would have beat that guy into pulp, and I'm a Sanin-class nin, I could have done it.

He's _not_ my father. Anyone who'd do something like that to an infant can consider his ass disowned, he's no relative of mine.

I gave serious though to smashing his damn stone head into sand, and bugger the consequences. So a bunch of city blocks would get flattened-

These people aren't my friends.

* * *

Sunrise came soon enough. Went back to my apartment, heated some ramen-

Bloody apartment. I moved into it with the old man's blessing when I was six, lived there for the next twenty years. Then _it_ happened, and I relived fourteen years there. Now I'm back for fourteen more. I don't even want to think about after that.

Maybe this time I'll be lucky and actually die.

Apartment. The only home I've ever had, one little oasis of privacy for Naruto. The old man moved me in here at six because the kids at the orphanage would eventually have managed to kill me. They'd tried before. At twelve I wasn't old enough to fully appreciate a four year old putting bathroom cleaner in a three year olds soup 'so he'd die.'

Kid wasn't even punished.

You know I have to laugh. This apartment the only 'home' I've ever had, and all I can think of is that another repeat of the next fourteen years of my life means I'll be paying each months rent for the third time.

Do the whole damn thing over. Can't believe it. Ha ha, that's a joke, see? Believe it? Oh, you're a funny one, Naruto. No wonder they call me dead last.

Time to go, the sun is coming up. I remember this day so vividly, even down to the damn orange jumpsuit-

Ah, what's the point? Time to go back to repeating the rest of my life.

* * *

I took my seat, ignored Sasuke, ignores Sakura, ignored everyone. What's the point of paying attention? I already know how this turns out. Ready to repeat the whole damn thing over again. I just hope I remember my lines.

I shrivel up and die inside every time I think about having to kiss Sasuke.

Iruka Sensei isn't as tall as I remember him, nor as impressive in general. At least if you look at him as a nin. Back then that's the only way I could see the man. Now I can see Iruka-sensei a little more realistically. Great shinobi? Nope. Excellent sensei? Not really that, either. Adequate, somewhere between adequate and good maybe, I don't know.

A decent guy, though?

Well, yeah, more or less. I've always felt Iruka genuinely wanted me to succeed. He knew how hard life had been for me, every shinobi did. A nice guy, a decent guy even. But ultimately an adult with concerns of his own. Sure he bought me ramen a few times, and that was good of him; he didn't _have_ to buy me ramen.

Iruka was my sensei, not my friend. He treated me like a good sensei would, maybe even like a great sensei would have. He really did _want_ me to succeed. That said...

That said, I considered the man the closest thing I had to a friend at this age, and he wasn't. A kind adult, yeah. A teacher with a bit of a soft spot for a troublemaker, that too. But my friend? No.

First up we sit the test for graduation. Or as I like to call it, the ritual humiliation of Naruto. Everyone but me knew I had no chance of passing this. I'd failed it twice at this point, six months ago and then three months ago. I'd carefully failed it my last time through, just like I was supposed to. Just like I'd mirrored ever damn event of my life that had first brought me back to this bloody place and time.

Academy classes start four times a year. I'm five months older than Sasuke and six months older than Sakura, so I'd started two groups ahead of them. You'd think deliberately failing wouldn't have hurt so much when I'd had to do it, but it did. By this point in my life I'd failed twice and been moved back twice; Sasuke and Sakura had caught up with me even though I'd started six months ahead of them. Classes are sort of mixed for some subjects, so I'd known both of them, or at least why I'd been acquainted with them for years at this point. Still, today was to be their first time through the wringer, and neither of them had a doubt in the world. Today was my third and stupid me, I'd thought a miracle would drop out of the sky. After all, I was going to be the Hokage some day.

I was so totally convinced I'd pass that it really had shocked me when I failed.

I went that whole morning without shouting "Believe it!" even once. I'd done it last time, this time I refused and didn't say a word. Then came my turn for the practical test. Yeah, call up three clones, so I called up three-

Wait a second.

Wait a se – wait a damn second.

Three clones, right, I summoned up three clones, proper solid ones, perfect ones. And I mean _perfect_. I _know_ I was supposed to fail, _history_ tells me that I failed, but at the last instant I decided I damn well wouldn't. He said three clones, I did three clones.

I got my headband and stood there like a fool with the headband in my hand. This isn't right, this is _not_ the way it happened. I – I – I mean I _know_ I screwed up what was supposed to happen, but I'd been expecting a poof, a flash of light – maybe the hand of Kami reaching down to swat me for screwing up Time, but _it didn't happen_.

I passed, I'm a shinobi. Suddenly I'm left with a – a – a _possibility_, a possibly I'd never even dared to dream about my last time through. It boggled my mind to even consider it.

_Can my past be changed?_


	2. Chapter 2 Kyuu

Disclaimer: Naruto, its characters and its settings don't belong to me

* * *

I wish I could offer some intelligent comment. Never, not even in my wildest dreams did it occur to me that things might be different this time around.

My god, I get a do-over for my life.

Words – words fail me. I can't even say 'is this really happening?' I know it is. I relived fourteen years of it.

Naruto gets a second-_third_ chance. But this time he knows who his friends are, or at least who they'll be, and who his enemies are.

I have a lot of enemies. Most of them right in this village.

I get to do it over again and now I know I can change things without immediately being struck dead. For the fourteen years ending just after midnight I'd relived the road that first brought me to my death because that was how it had happened, that was how I _remembered it happening_. I knew what was _supposed_ to happen and I'd arranged for it to happen a second time because what _had_ happened was what was _supposed_ to happen because if I _didn't_ get sent back in time then I could never have existed in the first place because I _hadn't_ been sent back, only I _was_ sent back-

It gives me a headache. Around and around it goes, where the argument stops, no one knows. Luckily I'm not the type to swear, or I'd certainly be swearing here.

I've just thrown myself off the treadmill and I don't know what happens next. Which is insane, because I have memories; how could I have memories unless those memories had really happened? I-

And we're off again. Sorry.

I've been wrestling with this problem for years and the only thing I've figured out so far is that I'm not smart enough to solve it, or even spell it out properly. It just goes around and around and makes my brain sore.

I've already made my mistake and changed what I considered a defining moment of my life. Like it or not I'm off the hamster wheel. If all goes well, then fourteen years from now a group of people I never suspected will fail to kill me. If all doesn't go well I'll be killed before that, either by accident or assassination by the same people. No idea what that would do to the loop but I guess I won't care. I'd still be dead though, and that's hardly what I'm shooting for.

Not this time.

Heh heh.

It's a bright shiny day and I know potentially what the future holds for me. I'm older, I'm wiser and this time I've got no excuses, the damage is already done.

Let's go change the world.

* * *

The exaltation passed quickly enough. I've got three years of growing before I'm even vaguely grown and I've got muscles that compare unfavorably to damp noodles. Twelve years of near starvation have left me a little higher than Kakashi's belt. There are watermelons that weigh more that I do. Even Sakura is taller than me, noticeably taller.

It makes me so angry that this was allowed-encouraged to happen to me. A growing child subsisting off a bloody cup ramen every second day and a real one every Friday with the Hokage. They couldn't steal that one away from me in front of the old man. My body is a joke, they should have failed me from the academy for being like this.

I guess that was the point.

Well, I've survived it twice already. Even Sasuke is an elf at this age; Sasuke and I together weigh less than Kakashi does, and he's not exactly a bodybuilder. Take a guy Jiriya's size and you'd have to add Sakura before we could match him on the scale. I'm twelve years old, I have to think like that. Running is out.

Sasuke went missing nin early but he had somewhere to go. You don't get a lot of people going missing nin before they're at least halfway grown because as good as guys like Neji and Sasuke are, they're no match for guys like Kakashi and Guy. Genius status does not make genin or chunin a match for jonin. Same with twelve year old Sanin. While I can handle Guy or Kakashi, I can't handle both at once. Not while I'm this small. If the nine-tailed fox pulls a runner they'll put every Jonin on the village after me. Kohona's Orange Horde wouldn't stand a chance. Plus Itachi and his gang are out there – they're not dead until I'm older.

Nah, running isn't in the cards yet. I'll spend the next three years eating red meat and lifting weights to put some mass on, then I'll look at my options. For now I have to stay focused on how small I am. It takes some getting use to.

No, I'm not bitter.

* * *

I'm not a spiteful person. I never was and never will be. I don't pull the wings off flies, I don't act on grudges (though some I try to remember). All told I'm usually pretty good at forgiving people.

Okay, I lied about that last part. So sue me. I'm still smarting from what happened yesterday, Naruto-time. Those – events – damn this is hard to explain. Those events haven't happened – the people who murdered me yesterday have no idea they'd done it- or will do it - _today_. Most of them probably won't know for another fourteen years – I'm sure not all of them were in on it. Even the ones who were, they haven't done anything _yet_.

I have to look them in the eye and treat them like the twelve year olds that they are.

Not easy to do when you remember yesterday's screaming. I really don't have the temperament for this, I'm a combat ninja, not an infiltrator. Every instinct tells me to-

Forget it. Forget I said anything. It never happened, or it hasn't happened yet, or _whatever_ – as far as I'm concerned I get a reprieve. I'm older and wiser and this time it's going to be _my_ way. I played it careful last time and wasted a chance to maybe fix things – at least from my point of view. I'm not going to make that mistake again.

No, this time I'll make different mistakes.

Almost have to laugh.

Just to keep from crying. I know this will sound peculiar, but if anything I felt more betrayed the second time than the first. Because like the first time (if I hadn't known in advance) I never would have seen it coming. The mission was _exactly_ the same, I watched everything, looked for some tiny sign of betrayal and didn't find a single one. Twenty four hours ago I thought it was going to be different.

Next time they'll find themselves up against an angry Sanin. Let me know how that works out for you, kids. Or maybe – and this is my sense of humor talking – maybe I'll just disappear and leave them wondering where their target went.

Yeah, I think it calls for a prank, and I've got fourteen years to plan it.

First though, would you excuse me a moment?

* * *

It should stink here, but it doesn't. In fact, I sort of like the smell. Musty. Cool and musty. Smells like somewhere I might have liked to hide as a child, sleep away the long summer afternoons.

I walked the inner tunnels of my mind, knee deep in slime, totally immersed in darkness. _Time_ (ha ha) to have this out. Kyuubi didn't come with me when I made my little trip through time. Strictly speaking I didn't either, only my mind. Which is convenient, because what was left of my body-

Anyway, the old fox is rumbling somewhere at the back of her vault, skulking in the darkness. The menace rolling off her – I'm surprised my younger self ever managed to confront this monster. But there's an old saying, Familiarity breeds contempt.

Kyuu doesn't call the shots anymore, I do.

I reached the gates to the central chamber, huge cage doors held shut by a paper seal. Kyuu's low rumble turns into something louder, and those two burning eyes appear in the darkness beyond the bars. From her perspective this is the first time we've met face to face, she's trying to make an impression.

I didn't even bother talking. A lot of things had to happen before I reached this point in my life, but I'm twenty six (or forty), not twelve. A lot of things already _have_ happened, and most of them twice.

Kyuubi roared at me. Had to smile, I've missed that sound. I missed the sound of her claws scraping across the stone floor, the way she smells, I've missed all of it.

Well that was a nice refresher, and enough of Kyuu's bad behavior for a lifetime.

Snapped my fingers. Suddenly I was _inside_ the cage, Kyuubi bearing down on me, she leaps - I raise my hand – her burning nose touches -

And Kyuu is stopped dead like a fox turd hitting the ground.

"_Lights!"_

All around us overhead lights snapped on, revealing a pen the size of an airship hanger. Those lights hadn't been there a moment before. Kyuubi rears back for another charge. This time I stop the fox with a single finger to the nose, catch both swipes of her immense claws with my bare hands.

This time I didn't let go.

"Took me a long time to realize, fox, but in here _I_ make the rules." I shut my eyes and started to concentrate, Kyuubi trying with all the might of the nine tailed fox to pull her paws back. She's realized something is happening, all she wants is to get away-

So I let her go and leap back she does, a bound taking her as far as the back wall of her stadium-sized pen.

Not that it will help her. Kyuu is roaring still, the light hurts her eyes and she doesn't know what's happening to her.

I didn't use any of my tricks, just walked over. It took some time, which was exactly what Kyuu needed. The final stages of her transformation were ending as I got there.

Kyuubi lay on the stone floor in a virtual _sea_ of long black hair, a shivering and very beautiful naked woman.

"I've chosen a new form for you, Kyuubi-san, one that hopefully will make you more amenable to reason."

The Kyuu made it to her feet after a few false starts. She's not used to standing upright.

She's _very_ beautiful, inhumanly so. And very tall, as tall as Jiriya at least. She towers over my twelve year old self. And she is very, _very_ naked.

"_What have you done to me?_"

"You're my prisoner, I can't change that. I'm you're prisoner. I can't change that either. Best I can do is make our relationship a little more civilized."

She put her hands on her hips and laughed at me. Me, I'm glad I have the hormones of a malnourished twelve year old and not the hormones of a healthy fourteen year old.

"Change me back, little boy."

"Not going to happen, Kyuubi-san." Didn't hurt to be at least a little respectful. "You live in here, you're going to behave yourself."

I snapped my fingers. Suddenly we were no longer in the mangy giant pen, we were standing in an an absolutely huge traditional room, like something from an old fashion mansion. Mat floors, sliding paper doors, everything.

Kyuu was still very much naked. While her hair reached her toes, all of it was behind her. Yes, very naked indeed.

"I won't have you inside a pen, Kyuu-san. This palace is yours." I pointed to one wall, where a pair of sliding paper doors stood. "There are kimono through those doors, and all the luxuries you can think of."

She laughed at me. "A prison is still a prison boy."

"I told you I can't change that." I pointed to the doors on the wall opposite the first pair. They opened, revealing a beautiful traditional garden. "At least here you can walk in the sunlight."

"A prison, boy, is still a _prison._ Even when it appears a palace."

"This is the best I can do, Kyuubi-san."

She laughed at me again, bent low so she'd be closer to my own abbreviated height. Kyuubi met my eyes.

"This form you've forced me into is not my own and it doesn't change my nature, Naruto."

That was the first time she'd ever used my name. I hadn't thought she'd even known it when I was this young.

"I will not wear your human clothing," she said. "I will not obey your human rules. I am the nine-tailed fox." She smiled at me, bared her pointed teeth. She wanted my full attention when she said "I will mark my territory about this palace of yours, in the way of all foxes-"

"No Kyuubi, you won't. You're _going_ to behave yourself. You're _going_ to wear clothing-"

"I will not wear your human clothing! I am a fox!"

"I chose that form because it conveys human dignity, Kitsune-san. Because it's _adult_, and because I can respect it. If you won't _allow_ me to respect it, then your next form won't be a woman, it will be a fox-tailed _girl_. Cute and little and enthusiastic in a miniskirt and a bikini top. I'll put you on _my_ level, Kitsune-san. After all, I'm a growing boy. I'm bound to have _urges_."

Finally that reached her. We're connected, the fox and I, and she can see it in my mind. Better the form of a supernatural empress then a growing boy's secret hentai fox toy. Far better.

I actually bowed to her. "Please adapt yourself, Kyuubi-sama. This is the best I can do."

* * *

Opened my eyes back in the real world. It's way more than a stretch to say Kyuubi's under control now, but going forward there are going to be a whole new set of ground rules.

It's a brand new world out there.

Believe it.


	3. Chapter 3 Mizuki

Disclaimer: Naruto, its characters and its settings don't belong to me.

* * *

Mizuki!

I forgot all about him!

I passed my exam and got my headband. That means Mizuki had nothing to offer me, meaning I never stole the secret scroll, meaning I never learned how to make a proper clone, and also-

Mizuki is still out there and he's still a traitor.

I can't let this go, there was important stuff on that scroll. If Mizuki somehow gets it to Orochimaru that could be a problem down the road. And if we leave the traitor in the village-

You know what? Screw the village. Just for today the village can kiss my butt. That slimeball used me to cover his tracks and gave the people of Kohona another excuse to kill me. Today I don't care about the village, I'm doing something just for Naruto.

I'm going hunting. My personal little Naruto world will be better with Mizuki out of it.

* * *

Mizuki wasn't hard to find. The man moped. He'll be easy to fool, he thinks he's smarter than I am.

"Master Mizuki?"

He looks up, doesn't smile. I'd thwarted his plan, he'd been counting on me to fail.

"Yes Naruto?" You could tell he wanted me to leave him alone.

"I'm – worried about my Jonin sensei, master."

"What?" He didn't get where this was going. Thankfully he didn't walk away yet.

"Well, I've – I've got a bit of a reputation for being a screw-up, master Mizuki. I was hoping you could maybe give me some advice or show me a new technique I could use to impress him."

The guy just looks at me, none too swift on the uptake. This clown who thought he'd be of use to Orochimaru.

So I prompted him a little further.

"Please master, I only have until tomorrow – I can stay up all night to learn, I'll do anything! Maybe a test mission? Please?" Puppy dog eyes?

Finally Muzuki dopes out I'm playing right into his hands.

Dummy.

"Well Naruto, I-" he's thinking about how to put it together for me. It has to sound credible.

"Why I know just the thing, Naruto. You're a friend of the Hokage, aren't you?"

"Well, sort of, I guess."

"I tell you what. Let me have a word with Lord Hokage. He's aware of your situation. Why don't you meet me here at midnight?"

What, that's _it_? You're going to stall for time? What kind of shinobi are you, Mizuki?

* * *

I arrived exactly at midnight. Mizuki was a little nervous, though you'd have to be a nin to see it.

"Ah, there you are, Naruto. I've spoken to the Hokage, and he's willing to help, but this has to be a secret amongst the three of us."

"A secret? Why?" This should be good.

"The Hokage feels the best way to impress your new Sensei would be a powerful Jutsu. His Lordship has selected one for you, but it's not normally available to Genin. In fact, normally only Jonin are allowed to use it. But that's a bit of a problem, see, because you can't just walk into the library and request a jonin scroll. And the Hokage can hardly just give it to you, or people will say he gave you an unfair advantage."

Mizuki is smiling at me like he expects me to swallow this tripe. I just nod my head like an idiot pretending he understands to set Mizuki at ease.

"So what you'll do, Naruto, is sneak into the Hokage's house, where you'll borrow his copy of the scroll. Then you'll bring it back here, and I'll teach you the jutsu. Tomorrow, you'll show your new sensei, and tell them you learned it by yourself."

Brilliant Mizuki, no holes in that load at all. How is a chunin instructor qualified to teach me a jonin-level jutsu? You had how many hours to come up with this? Anyway, he gave me the details of where to find the scroll, smiling all the while. He knew I'd be the perfect patsy, I might just manage it and if I didn't no one would take my word over his. If I failed, they might even kill me for it, and what could be better than that?

"I'll be back as soon as I can, master Mizuki."

Dope.

I tossed out forty clones once I was out of sight. I'd decided to play this one close to canon – if I can call my own past canon.

Been thinking about this one for hours and I believe my logic is infallible. I lived these years once and I lived them again. It only proves that if I make all the same choices at all the same times everything will happen exactly as it did, so in a sense I already know what's going to happen.

There's 'noise' of course, the last time around all sorts of small things had changed, stuff like coin tosses, what underwear I wore on a given day, that sort of thing. Unimportant stuff. As far as I can tell the small stuff is random. Last time around we started the Chunin exams with an Earth scroll rather than a Heaven scroll. Made no difference; the same guys we originally lifted the other scroll from had also gotten the opposite one, so the same encounter gave us the one we needed.

Maybe that was a fluke and maybe it wasn't. It played out the same way regardless.

Yeah, so small stuff is random. The big stuff though – anything life-changing, _that_ tries to repeat. Maybe there's some kind of bias towards what had already happened; walking an identical path on my last trip through life was surprising easy. Momentum or inertia or something? I don't know. Shikamaru might figure it out, but I can't.

Anyway, my point is the more I change, the less I'm going to benefit from what I know about the future. And that absolutely _can't_ happen. For the first time in years I have a new lease on life, and I'm going to _live_ this time. If I die a certain moment when I'm twenty six I get a do-over, otherwise I'll just get dead.

Not an option.

So here's the plan. Things will be the same, but different. A day will come when I'm twenty six again but this time I'll be prepared. But only the tiniest details are going to change before then. No one is going to change the timing of their plan to out-think – to out-_fox_ me.

Not this time.

Passing the academy and dealing with Mizuki this way achieve the same ends as it did the last time around; it makes _sense_ that I should be okay going forward. Minor changes only, then I can use what I know. But kill Sasuke or something? That'd change _everything_. This would turn into a whole new ball game.

And it is a game of sorts, a battle of wits.

Not my fault that no one else knows, is it? And I don't plan to tell them. Before that fateful day fourteen years from now (or yesterday) I had no idea just how far the village would go.

Running is not an option yet either. I've got too much to do first.

The clones hid themselves, most in the forest, one near Iruka's place. I never knew exactly when Mizuki reached Iruka to tell him I'd robbed the Hokage, only that at some point he did. I'd always figured he'd sent a clone after the real Mizuki was almost on top of me in the forest. Could be wrong though. My clone at Iruka's place was there to intercept Mizuki, tell him the Hokage had yelled at me to leave because he had to talk to the ANBU about some traitor named Mizuki who'd stolen a scroll. What a mean old man, eh, master Mizuki?

Didn't hurt to cover my bases and it didn't have to be brilliant. Mizuki would think the demon boy set him up. My clone would take off towards where Mizuki and I were supposed to meet, laughing and arrogant about pulling this little prank on dear sensei. Mizuki would attack from behind, realize he'd faced a clone, panic, then try to salvage the situation by coming for me. Normal clones don't pass on memory when they vanish, and obviously the dobe couldn't be smart enough to outwit an actual chunin. He'd figure I'd think the clone was still sitting in front of Iruka's place. I'd never know I'd been made, and tricksome little fox that I am I'd actually try to get the Jutsu out of him after I'd betrayed him.

So easy to fool people who insist they're smarter than you.

Hook or crook, Mizuki wasn't getting away.

I didn't want to involve Iruka or anyone else. I did make sure the Hokage didn't catch me this time. Just a little too smooth for that, and I knew where he was going to be. I let him pass by and was out of the old man's house and speeding away with the scroll thirty seconds later. I sent a henged clone to take the scroll back to my apartment, where I'd already cleared a place of honor under the bed. I've always wondered what else was on that scroll. Tonight I'm going to find out.

The real me took a henged log and went to wait for Mizuki. Then I ratcheted down my skill level so Mizuki could actually spot me. Didn't take long to find him, either.

"Master Mizuki, I've got the scroll. Can you teach me that Jutsu now?"

"Sure Naruto." He smiled at me, held out his hands for the scroll. I made to pass it to him.

I was ready for it, as were my forty clones. I caught Mizuki's arm and held his Kunai away as forty of my kunai slammed into him from every angle.

He looked a little surprised.

"This is supposed to be the part where you tell me about the demon fox, Mizuki. Or maybe where you tell me you want to take the scroll to Orochimaru, I forget exactly which. Not that it matters, because in a few seconds you'll be dead."

I gave him a bright and winning Rock Lee smile. "Normally I'd give you some pithy advice at a time like this, or a few rousing words of encouragement, but I'm thinking the effort would be wasted?"

Sure enough, it would have been. I used earth and fire jutsu to destroy the body, then dismissed my clones. Then I went back to my apartment for a good night's sleep.

The next day I'd meet my team for the first time again.

* * *

There wasn't any real noise about Mizuki-sensei the next day in class, and no mention anywhere of the Hokage being robbed. My guess was that no one had even noticed the scroll was gone. I'd already made a copy for myself via jutsu, my plan was to return the original tonight. End result more or less what it was fourteen years ago. Scroll returned to the Hokage, Mizuki handled. Only obvious change was that I hadn't been duped into doing anything stupid and didn't get my butt chased by half the shinobi in town.

As for Mizuki, nobody asked. I suspect if anyone had we'd have been told he was on a mission or something. There was no body to be found. Granted no one would ever know he was a traitor, but hey, them's the breaks.

Iruka starts calling out the team announcements. Sure enough, team seven was back as it was. I ignored Sakura's whole fangirl thing, ignored Sasuke too. What they think of me right now really doesn't concern me much. I practiced handsigns instead.

We were sent off for lunch. I sent a clone to impersonate Sasuke just to be reminded how much Sakura dislikes me.

Then I went to talk to Sasuke.


	4. Chapter 4 Sasuke

Disclaimer: Naruto, its characters and its settings aren't mine.

* * *

First major change to the timeline is Sasuke. My first time through I'd bagged him, tied him up, then henged into him to proposition Sakura. This time it's going to be a little different.

I found Sasuke exactly where I knew he'd be, standing eating his lunch. He liked being alone; it made things simpler – _clearer_ for him. At his age I didn't understand that, though it came to as I got older. These days I also prefer to be alone.

Though I had to die once before I started feeling that way.

Rather that sneak attack I walked over and stood beside Sasuke. He took a moment to glare at me before he turned back to look at the sky.

"What's the plan?"

Sasuke doesn't even bother looking this time. As far as he's concerned we have to work together, but that doesn't mean we have to be friends. Which is good, because Sasuke at age twelve is no one I'd want to be friends with.

Anyway, he doesn't understand the question, which he's choosing to interpret as he doesn't answer questions from dobes.

Silly Sasuke. I pulled out a sealing scroll, rolled it out and tapped one of the symbols with a fingernail. One puff of smoke later I had a steaming hot cup of ramen. Sasuke tried to ignore that, but it was pretty obvious he was interested in how I'd gotten ramen on a scroll. Nobody else would put that together and everything he thought he knew about me said I couldn't do it myself. Seals are only touched on at the academy, they're generally considered too advanced and too dangerous for genin in general and kids our age in particular.

"You want one? No? Your loss."

Sasuke gave me some of that famous Uchiha silence. I slurped some noodles just to annoy him.

"You haven't answered my question, Sasuke. What are you going to do about your brother?"

Sasuke whirled on me, tried to grab me. I was a little too quick with the substitution jutsu and Sasuke found himself holding my empty jacket. I was standing a couple meters away, still enjoying my delicious ramen.

Times like this I like to gesticulate with my chopsticks.

"I know all about what happened to your clan, Sasuke, as well as who did it. So I ask you again, what's your plan for Itachi?"

I have to give it to Sasuke, he adapts fast. At his age I'd still be standing there staring at the empty coat I was holding. Sasuke is only surprised for a second, and he glares at me, but he doesn't make another grab. He's big on his dignity and he won't make a try for me until he can figure out what's happening. No one in his age group is supposed to know about his family, and certainly no dobe should have been able to fake out the great Uchiha with a basic substitution.

"I'm going to kill him."

Nodded once, around a mouthful of noodles. "Good man, Uchiha. Exactly what I'd do. I was worried you didn't have it in you."

I doubt I could have said anything that would have surprised him more. Nobody is supposed to understand his need to best his brother, certainly not a dobe like me.

Word to the wise, don't play poker with an Uchiha. I'd chosen my words for maximum impact and Sasuke just gave me a last-Uchiha-style face. You know the worst thing? I get a couple of Sunny Jim expressions out of him and I count it as progress. He's intrigued enough to hear me out without giving me the whole 'how could a dobe like you understand my pain' speech.

"You want to know a secret, Sasuke?"

He didn't say anything, which was just his tough guy thing. Sasuke is always supposed to be the one in the position of power. Though to be fair, he hasn't realized that yet.

"You ever hear of the nine tailed fox?"

"What about it?"

"It disappeared a little before you were born, right?"

"Yeah. So what?"

"Where'd it go?"

"Hokage sealed it away, dunce."

"Where did he seal it away?"

"How the hell should I know?"

I pointed at the whisker marks on my cheek. Sasuke looks at them, not quite connecting it, but knowing there's something he should see.

"Answer, Sasuke," I lifted my tee shirt, flared enough chakra to show off my seals. "In here. In me. Haven't you ever wondered why every adult in the village hates me? This is why."

Sasuke doesn't deal well with things outside his range of experience. The best he could come up with was "You're joking."

"Oh come on, man. Your parents told you the same thing everyone else's did. Stay away from Naruto. Kill him if you ever get the chance. Ever notice that no one knows _why_ they're supposed to stay away from me? _This_ is why." I pointed to my stomach. "But your parents couldn't tell you that; the Hokage has forbidden anyone to speak of it." I could have said more but I'll save that for later. Don't want to overwhelm his little brain.

_I_ think my revelation should have got a bit more reaction out of the famous Last Uchiha, but he shrugs it off. Nine assassination attempts aren't relevant because they happened to me rather than him. I'm beginning to think the guy is touched in the head; I've never seen someone so self-centered. If it isn't to do with Sasuke it might as well not have happened.

Wait, what's this? _Progress_. Sasuke is good at keeping the poker face, but I think it's suddenly occurred to him that I'm not playing the Naruto he thinks he knows.

Finally.

"What are you telling me this for?"

Yup, not good at dealing with new situations. "Because I respect you, Sasuke. You're like me, driven towards a goal no one else understands. I'm the only person in the village who thinks you're doing the right thing. Get strong, go find that bastard and then you _kill_ him, Sasuke. If you want I'll come along to hold your coat, if you don't want me along I'll cover for you here. But kill that guy, find Itachi and kill him. That's what I'd do."

Leaned back a little, let the excitement fade off. "We're on the same team, we should understand each other, wouldn't you say?"

"Who else have you told about my brother? Have you told Sakura?"

"The pink one?" I laughed rather shortly. "Don't make me laugh. She's on our team, but that doesn't make her one of _us_. She's no more one of us than the sensei is. You have your mission, I have mine, they've got neither. Maybe you and I can help each other a little along the way." Turned to look at him, I believe the word is _enigmatically_. "You might be surprised at how good a ninja I really am when I'm not playing dumb for an audience."

Sasuke was subconsciously trying to reassert himself as master of this situation. He wouldn't let go of what he saw as a fundamental point.

"You've been hitting on the pink one for years."

Shrug and toss my empty ramen cup into the bin. "Because I knew she'd always say no. She's part of the act Sasuke. If I wanted Kunoichi tail I'd chase down the Hyuga, but like you I've got other things on my mind. The pink one is useless, she's a sandbag. Which is probably why _you_ ignore her."

I suspect he'd never looked at it that way before.

"We're in a position to help each other with what's really important. You want to kill your brother. I want to be good enough to survive a village that's made nine serious attempts on my life. I let my guard down for a second the villagers _will_ kill me, Sasuke. All they see is the fox. The ANBU watched me twenty four hours a day, which sounds like a hell of a bodyguard until you know some of them didn't want me to live either."

"Why don't you leave then?"

Interesting point, I'd never have thought you'd been considering that idea this young. "Go missing nin? I'm the container of the nine tailed fox. They wouldn't send some lazy chunin after me, they'd send ten Jonin. I'd be dragged back and put somewhere I couldn't escape from." Looked him in the eye. "I don't want to go to prison and I never had any choice in becoming a shinobi. The best I can do it get strong fast while deluding the village into underestimating me. They'll leave me alone as long as they don't think I'm a threat. If they choose to press, well, the better I can defend myself, the longer I'm going to live. Plus if I ever _have_ to run I want to be damn sure I'll get away, because a lifetime locked in a cell with the nine-tailed fox for company doesn't sound like fun. That's _my_ mission Sasuke and it's damn well as serious as yours."

"So you don't want to be Hokage."

Come _on_ kid, get with the program. "Hokage? Are you out of your mind? They'd never let me _be_ Hokage, I just spout off about it to keep people thinking I'm stupid. You might be Hokage one day, I'll never be."

This is all going a little fast for Sasuke.

"What exactly do you want from me?"

"Someone who understands my point of view."

"You're lying."

"No, simply not willing to share yet. But that's okay. I brought you a gift." Another tap on my summoning scroll released a much bigger scroll. It was enough to get Sasuke's attention.

It actually surprised him.

"A _summoning_ scroll? Where did you get it?"

I shrugged. "Found it. I'm a shinobi after all." Actually I remember the scroll appearing at an estate sale four years in the future. Hidden away in an attic for years. This time around I liberated it early.

Gave him a grin. "Interesting story. The jonin guardian who held it fifty years ago was killed in battle. A teammate escaped with it, brought it back to the village. He died of his injuries before he could turn it over to the council. The scroll was officially listed as lost in battle because the second guy's parents never knew it was important. They packed it away in an attic."

"How'd you get it?"

"Research. It occurred to me it might be worth a look amongst the teammate's possessions. That's where you come in, Uchiha. I can't use it by myself, there'd be too many questions about where I found it and the council would use them to keep the nine tailed fox boy powerless. You, on the other hand, you can say you found it in your clan archives. No idea how it got there. So you interested in making a deal, Sasuke?"

"What summon?"

_What summon?_ What do you mean, _what summon_? You idiot – _all_ summons are good!

"Falcon. Sign your name to this," I tapped the scroll, "and you can call up a bird big enough to fly on. As the last Uchiha the council will probably even let you keep the scroll."

Sasuke eyed the scroll, tempted. I added gravy.

"Falcon summon, yours for the taking. Think of how long it could take you to get a summon otherwise. Five years? Ten? We'll be the fastest ninja in the village, Sasuke. This thing," I tapped the falcon scroll again, "is the ticket to B and even A-ranked missions. Even if we're just shuttling the Jonin around, we'll be on A-ranked missions, learning from the best."

"You've already signed it?"

"You're damn right I have. But I can't _keep_ it. You _can_, just tell them you found it in the Uchiha family archives, you've got no idea how it got there. The council will back you Sasuke, even if they force you to hand the scroll over to the Hokage for safe keeping. Once you sign they can't erase my name without erasing yours first. And these things can't be resigned, so I'm betting they'll let you keep it. That works well for both of us. What do you say, Sasuke? Sign now and beg forgiveness later or ask permission you probably won't get?"

Sasuke looked at the scroll, bit his finger hard enough to draw blood.

"You've got a deal, Naruto. I'll keep the scroll for you."

"For us both," I corrected.

* * *

Sakura doesn't mean a great deal to me, but I'd gone through the motions of sending the Sasuke-clone to get her opinion of me. This one seems minor but I always had the feeling that this little event _wasn't_ minor, that it made a difference when Sasuke left. If it didn't, well, not like a lot of effort went into it. There might come a time when a change here would hurt me later. I do know that Sakura eventually found out what I'd done.

Sure enough, she still feels the same way. Thanks for reminding me, Sakura. Did I mention I'm working on a new jutsu, just for you? I'm hoping to make you disappear headfirst up your own butt.

Scrawny pink cow.

We met back at the class where we waited to meet our jonin sensei. I was a little smarter this time, I brought a book. I did do the obligatory eraser over the door trick, and sure enough it caught Kakashi over the head when he finally put in an appearance.

"Based on my first impression, I'd have to say I hate you."

I didn't even look up from my book. "We don't like you either. You're late, Sensei, which can only mean you don't respect us. That's your business, but it makes it hard to respect you." Then I did look up, and pointed out that "A prudent shinobi doesn't give his enemies the chance to set up traps."

"Naruto!" That was Sakura. "Put down the book!"

This time I gave her a look.

"I like to read. Sensei likes to read. We have something in common."

Kakashi's one visible eye didn't have much expression in it. I'm thinking this wasn't what he'd been told to expect. He took us outside and we ended up at a little rooftop park. Kind of a shinobi-only place because we can jump up from the ground. Kakashi asks us to tell him about ourselves. We talked him into going first and he revealed basically nothing, lazy putz. I figured the order we spoke wouldn't make a difference, so when Kakashi asked for a volunteer I pointed at Sakura.

I had to stop myself from beating my head against the ground when she starts in about 'a boy she likes.' I know this age is her useless stage, but just like last time, the extent of how useless shocks me. Sasuke goes next, shocks me again. I know the words of his 'there's someone I have sworn to kill' speech by heart, but again I'm staggered by just how totally self-absorbed the guy is. It's like he's alone on this planet.

Finally it's my turn. I take the opportunity to set the record straight. I didn't even raise my voice.

"My name is Naruto. The village hates me and I prank them to show them I care. My hobby is vandalizing the Hokage monument. At the academy I learned to clean chalkboards and empty garbage cans. I'm through the academy and I'm through playing games. I used to dream about following in my father's footsteps, but that's sort of hard when nobody admits to knowing who my father was. Believe it if you want to."

Looks like Kakashi didn't. One thing I never did get from the guy is whether he knew who my father was when he took charge of team seven.

"Rest up. Tomorrow we start training."


	5. Chapter 5 Bell Test

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, its characters or its setting

* * *

Something happened I didn't anticipate, simply because I went for a walk in the wrong part of town. It was late and I couldn't sleep, thinking about the bell test and everything else.

Talking smack to Sasuke is one thing, and in general hiding my abilities as a nin is no big deal either. Working C and D missions I don't need my A and higher ranked techniques, but suddenly I'm walking a different path here, one with an unpredictable Uchiha element.

I can beat Sasuke into my choice of paste, putty or Uchiha-puree. That said, I'll be working with him until he goes to Orochimaru, and fighting or otherwise dealing with an Uchiha _is_ a big deal. You can't ever take one seriously until that last fight where you're seriously trying to kill them. With the Sharingan anything you've ever shown a Uchiha can be used against you, and that's a mistake I'm in a position to never make.

Have to concentrate on keeping it simple. Sasuke and I will spar as part of our training. Fighting an Uchiha _is_ simple, and that's where most people go wrong. Most nin pull out their best moves and end up having those same moves fed back to them. Flashy techniques are out, stick to simple combat or bloodlines or fox-based chakra. Poison is also good, and some seals are even better. Use stuff they can't steal, like the finer points of an elemental affinity. Or something they already know, which is why I put some time to learning some fire techniques when I was sixteen. The Uchiha expect complexity, they're arrogant that way. Overwhelm them with stuff the Sharingan is useless against, that's how Lee is going to hand Sasuke his first total defeat.

Basically you always allow an Uchiha to beat you so that one day you can pull all the stops and end them. You don't fight a Uchiha to the death, you surprise them and overwhelm them totally – you execute them. Because if you're not good enough to turn a fight into an execution you've got no business taking on a Uchiha. Sasuke is very good, but he has no conception that no adult has _ever_ shown him their best moves. He thinks he's a Jonin already, and he is _not_.

I'm not immediately worried, of course, but it's something I'll have to think about. Ally or not, some things don't change. You _don't_ make the Uchiha stronger, not on purpose and not without a damn good reason. And I don't need Sasuke to be stronger, I need him to be smarter, or at least a lot more perceptive.

Unfortunately he's got a better brain then I do. I've got him beat on cynicism and experience, but I can't change the fact he's basically smarter than I am already.

I really don't have the nerves for subtlety, though like everything else I'm sure I can learn. Just a matter of thinking ahead. Which is why I'm distracted and walking down a well lit street on the bad side of town.

The affluent side.

Silly me.

I was just minding my own business. I knew consciously where I was, a shinobi always does, but I hadn't anticipated turning the corner to hear two angry voices, one high and one low.

This is Hyuga country, as in the gates to their immense overly-moneyed clan compound. Hyuga don't normally stand in the street shrieking at each other, certainly not the family head and his two daughters. You know, the heiress and the one he'll stamp the caged bird on?

Only he hasn't decided which is which yet.

Normally the street would have been empty, that's why I came this way. Tonight, well, there in front of their gate a red faced Hinata is arguing with her father, actually _arguing_. The younger sister, Hibobo, or Hobo, or Bonbon, whatever her name is, the smaller one is just looking on, with a nasty look in her eye.

Or maybe that's just my perception.

_Rage flares..._

This is nothing to do with me, I just keep walking.

_...Getting ANGRY..._

I could have turned around, gone the other way. I should have - no one would have blamed me for staying out of a family dispute of the de facto (and de jure) most powerful clan in the village. It was practically proper etiquette to disappear back around the corner I'd come from.

Had it been anyone else I might have, but not for old man Hyuga and definitely not for Hyuga Hinata. They want to do this in the street? That's up to them, but they're going to have a witness. I just kept walking, in about ten seconds I'll pass right by them, let the fabulous Hyuga know they've had a witness to their dirty laundry.

Then her old man suddenly slaps Hinata, hard enough that she actually falls over.

My first thought?

Good, I hope it hurt.

To put it mildly, I don't _like_ Hinata. To be a little _less_ mildly, I dislike everything about her, from her fangirl crush to her spineless personality and the sound of her voice. Her family, even her given name, if it's anything to do with Hinata I hate it. Or maybe it's the other way around, anything to do with her old man I hate more than I hate Orochimaru. Whatever, the only thing I don't hate about the Hyuga clan is Neji. Coz he's a straight up guy.

But this was a little much. Truth told I've been trying not to think about Hinata since I arrived about two days ago, the pain is too fresh, even second time around.

Last cycle I had time to deal with my emotions. But fourteen years ago I'd never gone for this walk and never seen her old man clock her one. More important, she'd never seen me see it.

That makes this a change point, and now I've got to make things happen sort of the way they should, or at least the way I want them to.

Don't have much time for a plan.

That's a shame.

Guess I get to IMPROVISE!

"Hit the bitch! Come on! Hit the bitch!"

I shouted it one more time for good measure. "Hit the bitch a good one!"

The little sister tries to get Hinata upright, with lil' sis heading towards a rage and a crimson faced Hinata who can't believe what she's hearing.

I know I have to change it, I can't leave it like this, but Hinata, for one brief moment Hinata, may all your childhood dreams shrivel up and die.

Her old man is flying into a rage because someone has caught big brave pillar of the community Hyuga beating up a twelve year old girl. Worse yet, it's the loud mouthed nine tailed beast boy. Old Hyuga is going crimson in the face and shouts "what did you call my little gi-"

I used a technique from Hokage four's scrolls, and materialized in front of him. Then I sent this pathetic master of the gentle fist into the dirt, kicking and howling. And he wasn't getting up any time soon.

I let just a little of older Naruto through. Because I _deserve_ to.

"Looks like the famed gentle fist is no match for the infamous cock-punch jutsu, is it?" I took a sudden opportunity to drop the boot onto his groin again, prompting a fresh howl. "Who said I was talking about her? Eh Hyuga? Who said _she_ was the bitch?"

"I'll have your hide for this!"

So I kicked him again.

"No you won't, Hyuga. In fact I'll have _yours_. You're going to deliver your unconditional confession that Naruto Uzumaki is a better man then you'll ever be to the Hokage, dickweed. And you're going to do it soon. If you don't I'll take it out on your wife, show her just what a _man_ you are."

Kicked him one last time and flashed away while he howled.

* * *

It sounds like a minor revenge, but there's a lot more to it. At twelve (almost thirteen) I hadn't realized the Hyuga clan head was already at war with me; he was (and will be) responsible for some stuff I don't feel like going into. My first life I didn't even know this until it was too late. My second life I felt powerless to stop it. Here in my third life, well, son, just remember you started it. I won't be fooled again, Hyuga, and this time I won't lose. Not to something like you.

* * *

Day one of training with our Jonin sensei. That would mean the bell test. Being more cunning than Kakashi and a lot less lazy I had a pretty good idea how I could mess with his plans, impress Sasuke and most importantly get my favorite smug pink Kunoichi tied to the stump.

Hey, she's the weakest of the three of us, isn't she? You can't blame _me_ for this – blame Kakashi.

I'm getting to Sasuke by having useful information, so it makes sense that I know about the whole test of the bells thing. That said, I don't plan on giving too much away. If Kakashi scales himself up to his full abilities getting the bell off him will ring all sorts of warning bells. The figurative kind, anyway. I've always had to be careful around strangers, and at this point that's what Kakashi is. He might have decided he doesn't want me to get a bell.

Now I could have played this one by canon, but I think it'd be better to surprise Sasuke instead.

So I decided to get myself some cheap insurance by breaking into Kakashi's apartment.

I spent the next few hours on top of the Hokage monument before I became the first ramen customer of the day. I took two for breakfast and sealed up three more to go.

Hey, they might come in useful if someone only brings two lunches. Some of my teammates aren't going to eat breakfast you know.

I made sure to catch Sasuke as he left his place.

"Here."

"What's this?" He looked over the bell.

"That's insurance." I showed him my own bell. "This Kakashi guy is supposed to be lazy, so I'm betting he'll be hauling out his old favorite. Two bells, three Genin. The Genin who doesn't lift a bell off his belt fails, has to go back to the academy. Only two people can pass his test."

"How did you find this out?"

"By thinking ahead." I lifted a book on Genin testing techniques. "Kakashi's chapter is all about the test of the bells." I didn't want to tell him any more, this had to be a learning experience for him. "This Kakashi guy is a real piece of work, Sasuke. He's one of the top Jonin in the village and he's never taught a team before. Not _one_, because no squad has ever passed his bell test. All he has to do to get himself out of teaching a three Genin cell is send at least one Genin back to the academy. The other two are basically screwed until people die on other teams and some spaces open. Why take that chance?"

"We don't get a _cell_?" Shocked him there. Things like that don't happen in Uchiha-land.

"We're _not_ getting sent back to the academy. I've looked up his statistics, Sasuke. In the eight years he's been a sensei only two Genin _weren't_ sent back to the academy. Do the math, three Genin every three months for eight years, that's like _a hundred_ Genin. This guy only passed _two_ of them. Everyone else failed his little test and went back to the academy for two years of the remedial program." I raised my little bell and gave it a little shake. "That's why I borrowed these. If avoiding the academy and waiting a few months to get reassigned is the closest we can get to a win here I say we do it."

Sasuke didn't have anything to say to that right away. As I said, things like that don't happen in Uchiha-land.

We walked towards the testing ground. Sasuke doesn't say much, and neither do I. He appreciates that. Then something occurs to him.

"What about the pink one?"

I'd been waiting for this. Just how arrogant are you, Sasuke? Are you going to give your bell to Sakura on the assumption that even a rigged test can't stop the great Uchiha? I've already given you the bell and the summoning scroll, you know I'm a stronger teammate than she is. What are you going to do, Sasuke?

Sorry Sakura, but turning on you does me a lot more good then siding with you. Maybe you should have been a nicer person.

"Kakashi only had two bells. You've got one and I've got one. _I_ stole them, Sasuke, I'm not giving mine up. Are you giving up yours?"

He didn't have an answer for that, which to me is a mark of success. The whole point of the test is that somebody fails. Far as I'm concerned that exchange made the whole robbery worthwhile. For the first time in his life it occurred to Sasuke that life can also be unfair to people outside the Uchiha clan.

Progress.

We got to the testing grounds. I took a seat under a tree. Sakura moved away even though I wasn't sitting that close to her.

Makes me laugh actually. I'm interested in seeing how long it will be before she notices I don't make an effort to talk to her. Though I guess this is only the second day in the past three years I haven't said hello to her. Instead I unrolled a sealing scroll and produced a book. Sasuke found a spot under another tree while Sakura prowled around, eventually sitting next to Sasuke. She probably was giving me dirty looks, I didn't bother checking. Then she tried to talk to Sasuke and got absolutely nowhere.

I'm like, honey, you're doing it wrong.

As for Sasuke, he was ignoring her and pretty obviously thinking about what was going to happen. If I was wrong, then no harm, no foul. If I was right then Sakura wouldn't be with us tomorrow. While he doesn't like or respect our dear rosette it does mean the shame of losing his team on day two. Like it or not that reflects badly on him.

Two bells, Sasuke, only two bells. The whole point of the test is that someone has to fail it. Today you know who that's going to be in advance. You were _complicit_ in making the decision that she's the one who fails.

As hard as I probably seem on Sakura, the reality is she's not much more than a child and more or less blameless in this. Yeah, she's pig-headed and not very bright or talented, but Sasuke is the disappointment here. I already know how the three of us can pass this, but two years of remedial for poor Sakura doesn't bother Sasuke at all. If Sasuke rose to the occasion and gave Sakura his bell the council would carry on about how noble the Uchiha is and force Kakashi to pass him. Instead Sasuke figures she'll lose two years of her career simply because she drew the wrong teammates.

Not big on empathy, our Sasuke. For that I blame the entire village. He thinks he's going to watch this pink haired girl fail for the first time in her life and it doesn't matter to him.

I sometimes wonder what it would have been like if Sasuke and I had our positions reversed. Nothing good, I suspect. Too much of the 'tormented genius' in the guy. He's a lousy Uchiha but he'd be a worse vessel for the nine tailed fox. As for Sakura, well, she's got a steady home to go to and a family that loves her. She's a _normal_ kid; out of the three of us she'd handle remedial training best. I don't have to like it but my conscience is clear.

Kakashi was almost three hours late, and sure enough he has the 'bells' on his belt. I spend a moment putting my book away, straighten up.

"You're late again, Sensei."

"Sorry, there was this old woman stuck in a tree."

"It took a Jonin three hours to get one old woman out of a tree?"

Kakashi just shrugged.

"Of course. So what do we learn first? New Jutsu?"

"Nope. I'm still not convinced I want to teach you."

"Well we're not convinced we – what?"

"Oh," said Kakashi, "technically teaching you isn't optional, but I think the three of you might have been graduated in error."

"That doesn't sound like your decision, Sensei." Let's just point that out, shall we?

Sasuke snorts. Sakura turns to glare at me.

"What's everyone looking at me for? I'm a splendid ninja."

Kakashi hoists up his two bells.

"See these? Two bells. And three of you. Your mission is to take the bells from me. Anyone with a bell stays on. Anyone without a bell doesn't get lunch. Instead, that person gets tied to the stump here while I eat their lunch for them."

I couldn't resist. "Isn't that kind of kinky, tying up young girls and eating lunch at them? What if somebody catches us?" I looked over at Sakura, who was putting on the kind of face you might expect. "What? What'd I say?"

Pinky roars at me "_Naruto_!"

"This test has a sixty six percent failure rate," continues Kakashi. "One of you will probably manage it," meaning Sasuke. Very subtle Kakashi, make sure us kids are at each others throats. "The other two-" Kakashi just shrugs.

What a nice guy.

Kakashi rubs a hand through his hair. "If _nobody_ gets a bell, then _everyone _goes back to the academy for another two years."

Sasuke glances at me. Not that he's impressed or anything, but I think he's learning to trust my information, the look was acknowledgment I'd been right.

I took my place as the loud one of the team, just to make sure Sasuke knew all the rules. "Wait a second, shouldn't there be more bells? Where's the third bell?"

"There is no third bell. One of you is _definitely_ going back to the academy."

"You can't do that to Naruto!" Sakura shouted. Surprisingly she doesn't take the chance to glare at me. What a great person, making all that effort to defend me. That immense pink brain can't conceive of me being better than her.

Did I mention I want to see her tied to the stump? I intend to feed her all the gross bits from the bento Kakashi brought.

Sasuke just glowers and gets ready to fight. Maybe he's forgotten about the bell I gave him?

I peel off a clone, send it at sensei. Kakashi blows it away.

"Come at me to kill. That's the only way you'll get the bells." The copycat pulled out his porn and started to browse.

* * *

It went pretty much as expected. Mostly I sat on the stump and poured clones into the battle. Sasuke hid in the woods, launched his own attacks. Sakura tried to support Sasuke, ignoring me, but Sasuke wasn't having any part of her. I just listened to the crashing in the forest, did some pushups.

Children. I can't believe I was ever this young or pathetic.

I've got no immediate worries about Sakura. While she's clearly the smartest of the three of us she's also in a happy pink dreamland. She figures she's guaranteed a bell, right after Sasuke gets his. I'm surprised she didn't apologize in advance for me getting sent to remedial.

Right now I don't need her to be clever, so I'm not working on her like I'm working on Sasuke. Without some kind of stimulus to grow the hell up it will be years before Sakura's any use to anyone.

I'll have to put her on the calendar for some time. Maybe after Sasuke goes.

Busy busy. A fox-boy's work is never done.

* * *

They'd been going for almost an hour when Kakashi appears in front of me. Though knowing him it was probably a clone.

"Naruto."

"Yes Sensei?"

"If you don't get your act together now I'm going to fail you. A shinobi doesn't just give up."

Looked up from my book, tried to sound surprised. "I haven't given up, sensei."

Kakashi was more than a little annoyed by that. "At noon the test is over, and if you haven't made more of an effort-"

I closed my book rather hard. "There's no point."

"_Excuse me_?" For the first time Kakashi was angry.

I held up my bell.

Kakashi doesn't show a lot of expression through his mask. And he didn't look at his belt, either. Figured this was too obviously a trick to distract him.

I put the bell away.

Kakashi wasn't impressed, in fact he snorted like he was disgusted. "That isn't even a clever strategy Naruto. On a real mission that would be information on a scroll. Coming up with a fake is worse than useless. Now show me an effort or you're going back to the academy in less than an hour!"

Silly Kakashi. "How do you _know_ this bell isn't one of yours?"

Sakura suddenly sneak attacks from behind. It wasn't a bad attack, it probably would have worked against most Chunin.

Kakashi is not a Chunin, so I figured I'd lend her a hand, leaped at our dear sensei and surprised him with a flurry of punches that made him drop his book. Then I dogpiled him with clones. Kakashi was too quick and substituted out of there.

He would have been very surprised if I'd chosen to interrupt his substitution jutsu, but that's an S or higher level skill and anyone who ever knew I can do it is already dead. Cause of death? Typically a surprise Rasengan in the face. Some tricks I don't share with anyone, and _that_ one ends fights faster then you can imagine.

It's a move for executions, not fights.

I _am_ about right in my Kakashi assessment. If I had to I could take him, even in a second fight scenario where he knew more of my abilities.

Sakura didn't get a bell.

Seconds later there was some crashing in the woods, he was back up against Sasuke. Sakura didn't even spare me a look before she raced towards the sound.

"Not so good at teamwork, are they, Sensei?" Of course, I was speaking to empty air when I said it, but the thought was there.

* * *

About twenty minutes later the alarm rang. Kakashi wasted no time, he was in process of tying Sakura to the stump when I pulled out my bell and rattled it at him. Kakashi gave me a one-eyed dirty look.

Kakashi reached for Sasuke to tie to the next one, only to find the Uchiha smiling unpleasantly and holding a bell. I held up mine as well.

Kakashi got _mad_. "Now _look_ you two-"

Snapped my fingers. The two bells on his belt poofed into clones of me before they disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving one very surprised Jonin.

"No, ah, _Sensei_, _you_ look. My colleagues and I have played your little game and we're all aware that you're a disrespectful bum with no intention of teaching us, the fact you were three hours late for the second day in a row is a pretty clear indication of that. We looked up just how many people you've failed since you became an instructor, Kakashi-_sensei_, and quite honestly the three of us don't have time for your crap. So either man up and teach us properly or have yourself removed from our team before Uchiha-dono here asks the council what remedial training for the hundred Genin you sent back to school cost. Uchiha-dono here is a clan head, remember? He's _on_ that council."

"It's a test of teamwork," Sasuke said. "You were expecting us to work badly together. Turns out we got your bells. Wouldn't that qualify as teamwork?"

I'll say this for Sasuke, he's sometimes fast on the uptake. Kami, we're playing Good Cop, Bad Cop and _Sasuke_ is the Good Cop? Talk about one for the books!

Now Sakura, are you smart enough to play along?

Sasuke certainly was. He wanted to be on the team that got passed Kakashi's little test, and that meant all three of us. "Sakura did the research, Naruto played the smartass and I kept you busy. Doesn't that sound like teamwork?"

"But when did you-"

"This morning," I answered. "At your apartment while you were asleep." I pulled out the instructor's manual, tossed it to where Sakura was tied to the stump. "Here's the book back, Sakura. Let me know when you're done with it and I'll sneak it back into the Chunin library." Give Pink a little credit for the brain work, people will believe that. To Kakashi I said "The wise shinobi reads ahead, Sensei, and smart Genin don't fight Jonin without a plan. Especially not the guy responsible for half the remedial class. Now do we pass your test or what?"


	6. Chapter 6 Bell Test Notes

Disclaimer: Naruto, its characters and its settings aren't mine

* * *

I guess I could have done a lot of things about the bell test. If I'd let things go exactly as last time and the time before we'd have ended up taken on – I'm sure Kakashi had orders that _this_ team was going to pass, or at least Sasuke was supposed to. There was the whole lunch thing, after all.

What can I say? I'm a cynic. I'm more than positive that I know exactly what happened here. Kakashi had his orders, and that's fine, but the whole thing about pairing the best with the worst is a bit of a stretch. You want strong teams, I get that, and I also get that you want balanced teams. But get real here – what are the odds losers like me and Sakura would get paired with the great Uchiha?

Answer, realistically? Pretty close to zero, unless the academy teachers understood Sasuke a lot better then I think they did. Sasuke came first with Kakashi and Sensei basically allowed Sakura and I to hang around. Nothing Sasuke would have done would have failed him, but Sakura and I could have gone back to school fast.

Nice, huh? To this day I'm sure Kakashi only took all three of us because Sasuke shared his lunch before Sakura did. Our Jonin decided then and there that our presence would benefit the last Uchiha, maybe humanize him a little. And that's what I think, you know, that team seven was really nothing more than a snap decision on Kakashi's part. For all I know he had – or will have to explain himself to the council for forcing dear Sasuke to share his Sensei with a pair of losers.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't like taking that sort of risk. It just made more sense to make sure Kakashi realized Sakura and I have some value outside of being headcount to bring Sasuke's team up to three members. I think I had to prove my point to Sasuke and I also think that by suggesting to Kakashi that Sakura and I were something other than useless, that maybe Emo doesn't have to be alone.

Anyway, we did some other stuff that afternoon, then Sasuke, Sakura and I walked back towards his place. Slow but steady to win the race.

After Sakura turned off towards her house the real conversation began. Sasuke as usual was blunt.

"Why did you save the pink one?"

"You saved her before I did, Sasuke. I was just playing along with you."

Sasuke doesn't like people answering his questions with inconvenient facts. "Why?"

"Because you backed her." I grinned at him, somewhat sardonic. As far as Sasuke is concerned I can't even _spell_ sardonic. "I'm choosing to trust you Sasuke. With those Uchiha eyes of yours I'm assuming you're a better judge of character then I am."

Try _that_ on for size, not only do I know about your Sharingan, I'm treating you like a valued partner.

"She didn't do very well," he growled.

"You think?" Said it like I was surprised he felt that way. "She did better than I thought she would. Though I guess it'd be hard not to." Shook my head. "I don't know, maybe we can salvage her, teach her something. If she could learn some support skills she might not be a disaster."

Sasuke grunted. Same deal as before, when he figures the conversation is getting ahead of him he retreats into his shell. I pretended not to notice and did a little more messing with his mind.

Gave him a good heavy sigh. "I've been worrying about Sakura since before I got my headband."

I slipped it into a conversation casually, and Sasuke caught it, just as expected.

"You've only known she'd be on your team since yesterday." One of these annoyingly precise types. I hate that kind.

"I knew the teams in advance, man." Said it vaguely, like it wasn't important.

Sasuke decided it _was_ important.

"What do you mean? You _knew_ what the teams were going to be?" As in, if he didn't know, how could I? He's more intrigued then he wants to be at just how much I 'know' from using ninja techniques on my own village.

"The teams?" I made sure to look a little surprised at the question. "You're the best in the class, I wanted you as a partner. I broke into the offices that night to make sure we were on the same team. I was going to change it if I had to, but thankfully they paired the best in the class, you, with the worst in the class, me, so I didn't have to change anything."

"You were in there, selecting the _teams_?"

This is like shooting fish in a barrel.

"Yep. I'd figured someone on the staff might fail to assign me to any team at all. Fortunately it looks like the Hokage came through for me. For us both actually; I'm a hell of a lot stronger than anyone else you might get paired with." I actually stopped him, so I could look him in the eye. "I can beat any of them, just like you."

That wasn't relevant at the moment, because it didn't affect him as much as number one fan girl being on his team. And he was actually angry.

"If you were in there how did we get the rosette? You could have gotten Shino!"

He said it like I was an idiot. Shino, huh? That's an interesting choice. I would have sworn he'd go for Kiba. That said, how can he be this unobservant? Talk about living in your own little world. Although he did accept that I was there, even when I hadn't been.

I think that Falcon scroll paid off. I don't need him to like me, but he has to trust me.

Even when I'm making things up.

"It had to be a Kunoichi, Sasuke. All the teams are mixed. I looked it up, the last time there was a three man cell straight out of the academy was during the war, because there weren't enough Kunoichi to go around. As long as there's at least one of them for two of us ever team includes a Kunoichi I heard it was to impress the other villages with how many Kunoichi we have."

Dude, you should know this. No wonder the guy was such easy pickings for Orochimaru. Sasuke had the most sheltered upbringing in the village. Everyone did everything for him, including his thinking. He honestly _doesn't_ understand that most people don't get to dedicate themselves to one single task in life.

The rest of us have to eat and so forth.

Anyway, I gave Sasuke a dirty look. "Besides, you think _I_ chose her? Far as I'm concerned there were only three to choose from, the rosette, the Hyuga and Ino. You _know_ all the rest are going back for remedial. I wanted Ino but her old man was part of some super team back in the day with Shikamaru and Chouji's dads, so they put those ones all on the same team. Someone would have noticed if I'd switched her. As for the Hyuga-"

It's hard for me to even say her name.

"-She has serious family baggage and she's also a close combat type, just like you and I. Besides, there's no way they'd two ocular types on the same team."

Sasuke gives me a look. Damn his poker face is good, the guy could make a fortune at cards. He wasn't convinced, so I gave him my secret information look and lowered my voice.

"Besides Sasuke," totally serious here, "Taking her is the worst form of clan politics. There are rumors her old man wants her dead so he can make the younger sister his heir. We don't want to get in the middle of that, especially _me_."

I hope your little wheels are turning, Sasuke. I'm a shinobi, I'm a tool to kill people and a tool to be thrown away. You have intrinsic value, I don't. Do the math, who would Hyuga approach to make sure his daughter doesn't come back from some routine mission?

All of this is new information to you, isn't it? Or course, all of it would have been new to me, but _I'm_ an idiot that nobody trusted. Sasuke is supposed to be our best and brightest.

"I keep my ear to the ground, Sasuke. Guys like Hyuga would love to see me and my passenger dead, so I try to stay current on what they're thinking." Straighted up a little, can't give him too much darkness in one shot, it will only make him emo or something. "Nah, trust me, the rosette might be useless but she'll at least stay out of our way. The Kunoichi I really wanted was Ten Ten-"

"Who?"

Come on, Uchiha, pay attention. No wonder you got so messed up.

"She graduated last year. Weapons master, specializes in throwing. She'd have been awesome for us, but she wasn't available." I carefully scratched my chin. "We should be on the watch for that one, Sasuke. She's perfect for us. Maybe you could approach the Hokage about having her reassigned?"

Poker face again.

"Right. Something for the future then."

I've got several months left to work on Sasuke, so that's probably enough progress for today. What shocks me most was that I'd originally overlooked this. When I was his age Sakura was my world, and the rosette never even placed on Sasuke's radar.

Pity he didn't take the bait about Ten Ten. He still figured he could get his choice of shinobi to replace the rosette.

We reached the point where I turned off towards my place.

"See you tomorrow, Sasuke."

* * *

The next day we started into business. D ranked missions, as fun and exciting as ever. I did them myself, mostly, though I had a few (a lot of) strategically placed clones around the village. That's the plan, no one is ever going to know I can crank out shadow clones by the thousands this time around. From now on I'm going to know a lot more about what's going on around me.

When Project Phoenix starts I'm going to know about it.

Clones are very useful. For example, I have thirty of them doing some very important work involving the Hyuga clan head. One of them tipped me off in time and I called up another to swap out with behind some trees.

"Finish the mission and tell the others you've got something to do. Then go around a corner and disappear."

"Right boss." The clone grinned at me. "Enjoy yourself."

"Oh I will. Believe it."

Henged into nobody in particular and walked away. Have to see a man about a confession.

* * *

It was a late Thursday afternoon when the head of the Hyuga clan demanded an immediate audience with the third Hokage More from curiositythan anything else, Sarutobi granted the audience.

Hyuga offered no pleasantries when he stormed into the room, his daughter trailing behind him. "Lord Hokage, I demand you do something about that wretched brat of yours!"

Ah. Naruto.

"Naruto? What has he done this time?"

"He's-" The Hyuga went red in the face.

"Answers Hyuga. I may be alone in respecting the fourth Hokage's wishes, but I assure you, I won't punish the boy for no reason."

"My word as head of the Hyuga clan is not enough?"

The Hokage went so far as to take off his hat.

"No."

The Hyuga knew when to back off. The old fool had one major blind spot and the demon child was it. Unfortunately he was a _powerful _old fool.

"If you must know the gory details Sarutobi, that animal-"

The Hokage stood up.

"You may address Naruto by name or as the boy, Hyuga, but you will not call him an animal in my presence again, is that understood?"

"Very well, Sarutobi," snarled the Hyuga. "That _boy_ of yours has targeted my wife! He's running a campaign of terror against my wife, Sarutobi! After brutally assaulting me without provocation!"

The Hyuga girl finally found her voice. "H-he attacked you because y-you slapped me, father."

"Be silent!"

"No child," said the Hokage. "I'd like to hear this. Your father is one of the most powerful shinobi in the village. How on earth could a boy like Naruto be any match for him, Hyuga-san?"

"He s-surprised father with a c-cock punch j-jutsu."

"A cock punch jutsu."

"He hit f-father in th-"

"Hinata!"

"S-sorry father."

"Yes, Sarutobi, it's extremely amusing! Your boy hit me with a cheap sneak attack, then kicked me while I was down! Then he began a campaign of terror against my wife! I had the entire branch family chasing his damned clones and not a one of them could catch him! But I know that - wait a moment! They call you _The Professor_, don't they Sarutobi! Well as the Professor, master of more jutsu than any other shinobi in the village, surely you must be familiar with the Amazing Naruto and his Awesome Collection of Ass-tastic jutsu? Perhaps you even taught the Amazing Naruto his Amazing Ass-Tastic jutsu! At first I laughed off the letter of challenge, but it became harder to do when three days ago my wife became a virtual prisoner of her own home Sarutobi! She can't even open the windows!"

"Calm down Hyuga-san."

"I will not calm down! I refuse to calm down! The other day my wife went for a walk in her private garden only to discover two dozen clones standing on the garden walls! The clones immediately dropped their pants and aimed their cheeks at my wife, Sarutobi! the poor woman was so frightened she ran inside to hide!"

"Well, in the face of-"

"Oh, but it wasn't the _face_, Sarutobi! It wasn't the face at all!"

"Your wife is a Jonin shinobi-"

"My wife is too emotionally battered to leave the house! She tried to open the window to see if the wretch brat had gone away. The second she draws the blind fifteen clones shouted 'Pressed-Ham jutsu!' Do you know the Pressed-Ham jutsu, _Professor_? Perhaps you taught the brat yourself?"

"I'll admit I've never heard of a pressed ham-"

"The pressed ham," interrupted the Hyuga, "is anther of the amazing _ass-tastic_ jutsu, Sarutobi, only this one involves a sheet of glass, such as the windows to my wifes private chambers! See, your boy takes his bloody bottom cheeks and presses them up against the glass, so my poor wife gets an extra good look! Fifteen clones per window, Sarutobi, all stacked up on top of each other! That's a lot of pressed ham Sarutobi!"

The Hokage considered this. "I wonder if Jiraiya invented that?" Sarutobi hadn't been able to help himself, the _crack_ just came out!

Bwaw ha ha!

"I DON'T CARE WHO INVENTED IT!"

"Well I'll definitely have a word with the boy," said the Hokage, very seriously. "Some time next week perhaps-"

"_NOW_ YOU DAMN FOSSILE!"

The Hokage shook his head. Two dozen clones had to be an exaggeration, and the Hyuga had been annoying him lately. "Oh, I can't do that, Hyuga, really, my schedule is far too tight."

"I'll kill him if I catch him again, Sarutobi, I'll kill him, I tell you!"

"Father caught up with N-Naruto last night," said the daughter, Hinata-san her name was.

The Hokage lowered his brows and leaned forward towards the clan head. "I assume you tried to reason with the boy, Hyuga? I'd be _annoyed_ if you tried to do violence to Naruto."

"C-cock punch jutsu," supplied the girl.

"THAT'S ENOUGH FROM YOU! This is war, Sarutobi! I'll-"

_"You'll do what, bitch?"_

That was Naruto himself, sitting on the windowsill and glaring at the Hyuga clan head a way no twelve year old should have been able to. "You want a piece of me? You just try for it, I'll tear you apart. And just so you know, my next Ass-tastic jutsu is called the shit storm. You want a look at the shit storm jutsu, bitch? No? Then tell the Lord Hokage that I'm a better man then you."

Hyuga started towards the boy. Naruto didn't back away, he cracked his knuckles and waved the clan head forward.

"I'm gonna _hurt_ you, Hyuga. I'm gonna hurt you like you've never been hurt before. Then I'm going to dump your sorry broken ass in the town square for everyone to see-"

The clan head stormed forward, so angry he forgot the Hokage entirely.

Which was a mistake, because Sarutobi hadn't forgotten him.

It had been a long time since the clan chief had seen Sarutobi angry, and longer since he'd felt that anger directed at him.

"Leave. The boy. Alone."

"Thanks for the assist Jiji but I've got this one, I'll tear this one apart with my bare hands-"

"Naruto, be quiet. Hyuga, you won't hit your daughter again, is that clear?"

"My daughter is-"

"_DON'T_ say it, Lord Hyuga! Do I make myself clear? As for you, Naruto, you've made your point. Leave Hinata's mother _alone_."

The boy actually growled. "_Yes_, sir." Then he pointed a finger at the clan chief. "I'm watching you, Hyuga, I'm watching. The years will go by and I'm going to get stronger, and you're just going to get old. You hit that girl again and a talk with the Hokage won't be enough."

Sarutobi happened to notice the silent girl from the corner of his eye. She had her little hands clasped before her, her pearly Hyuga eyes wide in absolute adoration of her pint-sized whiskered hero.

This was going to be a problem.

Naruto disappeared in a sudden puff of smoke.

The Hokage sighed, squared his shoulders. "I trust matters are settled to your satisfaction, Hyuga?"

The clan chief glared at him.

"I would advise against crossing the boy again, Lord Hyuga. You'll find Naruto a _stimulating_ opponent, and the pain he would cause you in terms of sheer embarrassment is greater than you might think."

"So help me, Sarutobi-"

The Hokage slammed his palm down on his desk. "Let me make myself perfectly transparent, _Hyuga_, if anything should happen to that boy through your actions you will find yourself answering to _me_, is that clear?" With the daughter in the room Sarutobi chose his words carefully. "You _know_ what you owe his father."

The Hyuga's face darkened and he turned and stormed out. The little daughter bowed several times before excusing herself to follow.

Sarutobi sighed, reached for his pipe. Then he snapped his fingers.

An ANBU materialized, seemingly from nowhere.

"Who do you think would win in a battle between the Hyuga clan head and Naruto?"

The ANBU considered this.

"That would depend, sir. Naruto has no social status to lose, but the Hyuga has a great deal of it. Naruto knows how to attack that." The ANBU considered this. "I would have to put my money on Naruto sir, in anything short of an actual fight."

The Hokage nodded and the ANBU disappeared.

_In anything short of an actual fight_. Which Hyuga would use the Council to wage.

_Naruto, you have picked the wrong enemy._

_Except he was your enemy already, you just never knew._

* * *

That was the last trouble I had with old man Hyuga for awhile. He'd gladly have made a try for me, and I handily would have kicked his ass, but at the time he was a little more concerned about taking on the Hokage.

I winked at Hinata, which turned my stomach. The hatred she brings out in - I don't even know how I'm going to deal with her.

When did you decide, Hinata? When did it become a mission? And who gave the order?

Was any of it ever _real?_


End file.
